On Sunday I was officially told by K & V that they don't want to be friends with me ever. In post I understand it wasn't all my fault. Yes I hurt them by crossing boundaries, but they also hurt me. Lying for so long and not telling the truth of why and that they really were excluding me. Even to the last moment. It took me making the effort to get the truth out of them for me to actually get it. I'm obviously sad about all of it. I'll miss them. And their families. But I'm also angry. That they lied for so long. I wouldn't say this to them, but they really did give up on being friends with me. A while ago. K says he was making an effort but that's not really true. If we had really talked about this then the whole situation could have been avoided. But both of them lied and didn't tell me things, and for what? To protect my feelings? All it did was make me more paranoid and hurt me more in the long term, while they postponed the discomfort of a confrontation for themselves. Yeah, I treated them like objects in the sense of pushing boundaries because I wanted to experience the friendship I did before, but they also treated me like an object in the sense of wanting to get rid of me when it got difficult and I didn't entertain them like I used to. When I get hurt and overwhelmed I double down, which is unhealthy. When the two of them got hurt, they shrank back and gave up. People aren't objects or toys.
The Importance of Being Earnest ended weeks ago, and marching season ended last week. Everything has been so overwhelming I didn't really get to process either of them the way I wanted to. This is my senior year. Everything I am doing it is for the last time. I Auditioned and got called back for Little Shop of Horrors. I am hoping to get Mr. Mushnik.
- Basil
No comments:
Post a Comment