Last Personal Blog

 I'm gonna start keeping a journal, so I am only gonna put rants and stuff on here.

The losers get to win.

- Basil 

My Argument for Byler

I initially did not think Byler was an actual possibility- until I saw the interview where Finn explicitly says Mike is oblivious. That made me realize that sometimes you can become so wrapped up in fandom you become disconnected with the actual content of the show, especially with how long it took to make this one. A lot of the analysis from Byler enthusiasts gets way too granular and reads too deeply into it, forgetting that it hasn't even ever been explicitly told to the audience that Will is gay. Only strongly implied in a way that you would pick up on easily. 

The reality is that the audience is supposed to pick up on things when they are watching the show without analyzing every frame. 

(this next bit is just a summary of things that someone watching the show for the first time would notice about these 2, skip if you just want to get to the point) 

An attentive watcher would notice the several instances of homophobia directed at Will in season 1, and that Mike got mad enough to shove his bully over it, and would call that being a good friend. An attentive watcher would notice how close the two friends are in season 2 and that Will is pining after Mike in season 3 while Mike begins to act strangely now that he's dealing with girls and girlfriends. They would notice Mike and Will making up after their argument and Mike not reciprocating a kiss from El at the Byers house. They would notice El talking about how she doesn't know what Will is painting, that Mike is suddenly very awkward around Will, and that he immediately asks about the painting. They would definitely notice the rocky relationship of all 3 characters through season 4, Mike's inability to say, "I love you," and his apology to Will. They might notice, "from El," in her letter, but they would certainly notice Will's emotions in the van scene, and that he is lying about the painting to help Mike's relationship with El. That should be the first time its becomes truly obvious that Will is gay for Mike, and would naturally leave someone wondering about how Mike feels. Mike at this point knows that either Will or El is lying about this painting, since their stories conflict. Past this the only things that a first time watcher would notice that really pertain to these two is how Mike's, "I love you," makes El upset since it was paired up with him calling her a superhero, that Mike and El make up by episode 1 of season 5, but don't kiss at all or really talk about each other for the rest of Vol 1. They'd see that Will has a desire to date Mike and that he flirts with him after talking to Robin, which he probably wouldn't do if Mike and El were still dating. And that's it. 

All that points to either a 1-sided love from Will and some really strange behavior from Mike, or mutual feelings between both of them. It definitely DOESN'T suggest that THEY ABSOLUTELY ARE GOING TO GET TOGETHER, nor does suggest that THEY ABSOLUTELY WON'T. It's almost like there's more of the story to tell, and we have yet to be shown Mike's perspective of any of it. There is no confirming of anything. 

I don't claim to know what the duffers are planning with these characters, nor do I claim that Mike 100% has feelings for Will, I just wish people would let their guards down and realize that IF it happens, it isn't a blindside or a rug-pull. The bread crumbs are there, and loudly proclaiming it won't happen doesn't change the fact that it very well COULD happen. 

Personal Blog 21

Two blogs in one day. This is what I did for my college essay. I just barely got it short enough to the exact word length.

Coming into my freshman year, I was a very scared kid. I had grown up religious, but due to several factors, I was starting to break away from it. I didn't really have any good friends; my best friend, Isaac, had moved away in the 7th grade, and my other closest friend was possessive and wouldn't let me have other friends. The only reason I was in band in the first place was because Isaac asked me to join the class, and I really liked being around him, so I did, and in middle school, it was fun, but not something that I would write a college essay about. Joining marching band was like getting woken up with a bucket of water. 

I showed up to the icebreaker night at the end of my 8th grade year, and I was overwhelmed by how excited these high school teenagers were to meet me, and I didn't really understand why. Even when I went to the summer practices, and I felt more loved and accepted by a community of peers, I still didn't get it. But then it became the end of marching season, and it was the night when the seniors gave their speeches. They talked about how much marching band changed and shaped them, how they became better people through marching band, and I realized then that's why they were so excited to meet me; they wanted to share what had affected them so much with other people. A group of people that deeply care about each other and what they do, and a teacher that drives them to be better.

Mr. Black, the band director, has a lot of things he likes to say, some of them are inspirational, some are funny, and some of them are frustrating in the moment. When asked questions he can't answer, "figure it out." That's frustrating to hear, but I've learned that most times, I'm able to figure it out myself, and that doing so gives a sense of satisfaction. But the most impactful thing he's ever said is a quote from someone else (Dr. Wayne Dyer), "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Really he meant that in reference to practice, how practice doesn't have to be something you dread, but something you enjoy. Now it means a lot more to me.

Throughout high school I made a lot of decisions, ones that helped me and ones that hurt me. I quit engineering, joined theater, spent time wallowing in self-pity, made friends, and lost friends. But through all of that, I had the band. When I felt hopeless, I could simply choose to remember that there are kind, genuine people in the world. All I had to do was change the way I looked at things for the world to be full of hope again. Then suddenly it was October 29th, and it's time to give my senior speech. Now I was the one expressing how marching band changed me. and instead of talking about my story or thanking all my friends individually, I chose to talk about the greatest lesson I ever learned, the freedom of being alive.

It was marching band that taught me that my choices are what matter in life. It was Mr. Black that taught me that I can change the things I look at. It was marching band where I saw what can happen when a group of people choose to make something great. I know that I will die someday and I don't know what will happen after, but I don't care, because it doesn't matter to me. It's your freedom and choices that matter. I want to be a teacher so that I can teach people that same thing. That when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at do change.

- Basil

Personal Blog 20

On Sunday I was officially told by K & V that they don't want to be friends with me ever. In post I understand it wasn't all my fault. Yes I hurt them by crossing boundaries, but they also hurt me. Lying for so long and not telling the truth of why and that they really were excluding me. Even to the last moment. It took me making the effort to get the truth out of them for me to actually get it. I'm obviously sad about all of it. I'll miss them. And their families. But I'm also angry. That they lied for so long. I wouldn't say this to them, but they really did give up on being friends with me. A while ago. K says he was making an effort but that's not really true. If we had really talked about this then the whole situation could have been avoided. But both of them lied and didn't tell me things, and for what? To protect my feelings? All it did was make me more paranoid and hurt me more in the long term, while they postponed the discomfort of a confrontation for themselves. Yeah, I treated them like objects in the sense of pushing boundaries because I wanted to experience the friendship I did before, but they also treated me like an object in the sense of wanting to get rid of me when it got difficult and I didn't entertain them like I used to. When I get hurt and overwhelmed I double down, which is unhealthy. When the two of them got hurt, they shrank back and gave up. People aren't objects or toys.

The Importance of Being Earnest ended weeks ago, and marching season ended last week. Everything has been so overwhelming I didn't really get to process either of them the way I wanted to. This is my senior year. Everything I am doing it is for the last time. I  Auditioned and got called back for Little Shop of Horrors. I am hoping to get Mr. Mushnik. 

- Basil 

Personal Blog 19

I hurt my friends a lot recently. I became really jealous of losing them as friends that I started doing things that just ended up hurting them. I didn't check in with them. I sidelined things and lied because I was worried about losing them. I broke so many promises. I failed to support them when I needed to. I disrespected their boundaries, And I acted impatiently. They confronted me and one asked for space while the other asked for me to make an active effort to respect their boundaries. And in the high stress of the performance week for our school play, I completely fucked that up. Now they both want space. I'm going to improve myself. I'm not going to let it be an empty promise this time. I'm going to ask G to help me be a better friend. I'm going to ask him to keep me accountable to listen, check in, appreciate, tell the truth, keep my promises, support, respect boundaries, build up my friends, be patient, and have them know that I am thankful. I won't force myself back into their lives until I've actually improved myself. I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

- Basil 

Personal Blog 18

 This is the worst I have felt ever.

- Basil

Personal Blog 17

So so so so so busy, but all I want to say right now is the lyrics to Hymn of Acxiom, but written cohesively.

Somebody hears you, you know that inside.
Someone is learning the colors of all your moods to say just the right thing and show that you're understood.
Here you're known.
Leave your life open, you don't have to hide.

Someone is gathering every crumb you drop, these mindless decisions and moments you long forgot.
Keep them all, let our formulas find your soul.
We will divine your artisan source in your mind; marshal feed and force our machines to design you a perfect love, or- better still- a perfect lust.

Oh how glorious, a brand new need is born.
Now we possess you. You'll own that in time.
Now we will build you an endlessly upward world.
Reach in your pocket, embrace you for all you're worth.

Is that wrong?
Isn't this what you want?
Ah, Ah, men.

Goodnight,

- Basil